There are 2 major benefits that I felt as a result in these 6 days. Actually, I have joined Bali Usada health meditation since 20 years ago. However, I have just gotten a chance to join the full intensive now. Also because the time is right. Towards the end and beginning of the year, I experienced a tremendous emotional burden and it is huge. Then, there are 2 healing benefits during these last 6 days. The first one is towards the body. The other one is towards my psychosomatic disorder in the last two months. I felt the benefit of healing during exercise time. I felt most refreshed every time, especially after the morning meditation in these 6 days. And actually during this last one year of my physical condition, I was diagnosed with meniscus where my right knee pad was torn. Because of Covid, my operation has been postponed.

During the last one year I was unable to bend, cross my legs and squat down. That is why I asked for permission last time during meditation that I was unable to sit cross legged on the floor. Instead, I had to sit on a chair, because it was so painful. During these 6 days I tried to give loving kindness to my knee. I usually complain, what’s wrong with this torn knee? Whereas my activities depend a lot on this foot and I also teach yoga. I always think, how come a yoga teacher can’t bend her knee. So perhaps subconsciously I also have a lot of self judgment. And during these last 6 days, I have been giving loads of loving kindness to my knee. So everyday after loving kindness meditation, I also express my sincere gratitude towards my knee. In fact, throughout all this time this knee has been with me for 51 years and has helped accommodate this body of mine. With all kinds of heavy weights. Starting from pregnancy, being skinny, being fat. And up to this last year I was sorry because I was feeling very angry with my knee. In the last 6 days I gave it love through loving kindness meditation and healing.

This morning after meditation, I was feeling dumbfounded. Usually after Usada exercise, I go out for a morning walk or ride a bike. Without being mindful while I was cycling, there is a sound on the chain as if it is coming loose. So at that moment there was a cat that fell off the gutter. It sounds as if it is asking for help. I had a reflex so I jumped out of my bike and then into the gutter. Then I squat down. For me this has been the biggest achievement as a yoga teacher. Because I teach yoga, healing through movement, dance, art and flow performance. Only in the last one year I was feeling stuck because of this knee condition that was injured. So this morning I got enlightened. I am so grateful.. While I squat down unconsciously. I just realised after I was cycling back home. The euphoria kicked in after I reached home. However, I remember Pak Merta’s words; being surprised, happiness are all Anicca. So, oh.. I come back to just knowing. Inhale, exhale. Perhaps just then it was slowly being given a healing process. To release one by one. Hopefully it will be better again.

Also another one is maybe towards psychosomatics. My mental burden towards hatred and anger from an incident that happened. Towards the end and beginning of this year it has been tremendously hard for me. Something really terrible happened to my family. There is also one business that went into chaos. And all the problems seem to come one after another. Moreover, my close family seems to have passed away one after another. From 1st of January until now, I received obituary news everyday. So from my side of the family, we are feeling down. My parents, who used to be normal, are also feeling down. They are mentally hurt, because their older and younger siblings have all died. On one side, there is a situation in the business where I ended up with a feeling of anger and disappointment. Because the business deal was not going smoothly. Towards the end I suffered a loss. After I had a consultation session with Pak Merta, I felt that all the incidents that happened in my life, after being aware, are also an accumulation or ‘savings’ from the fruit of karma that I eventually need to let go.

So, all these incidents had to happen and I was finally able to do the healing process. To be able to accept and make peace with that feeling of hatred and anger. Towards the people, I mentioned to Pak Merta during the consultation session, I have surrendered and I have forgiven. But I don’t know if I am forgiving subconsciously or semi-consciously. So during these 6 days, firstly, I tried to create a mindful dialogue. Creating dialogue with myself and being aware of the feeling of hatred and anger in my body. And being thankful and aware that all the conditioned things are impermanence, Anicca. And I request for easier direction, happiness and well-being, through various incidents that will be directed by the universe.

So the point is, through these incidents it has been an eye opener for me, that all the losses that happened in my life has in fact made me find something that is very important which is the essence of life. As Pak Merta said, firstly in order to have harmony in us, know that the one in control is us. The control is in our mind. Then to be in harmony, live with Anicca. Face it with gentleness and loving kindness, take action by doing good deeds. Then let go, non attachment. These will be the basis of my future life. Thank you Bali Usada, Pak Merta, and fellow meditation friends for accompanying my healing process. May all beings be happy.

Lisa Samadikun - Meditation friend from Intensive Tapa Brata Live Online Class