I do the meditation practices. And it has not releases my adenomyosis. But the health meditation already taught me to always be aware & mindful. That is why even though I am in pain, I am not suffering. I still feel the pain, but I'm not suffering.
The second time I joined the intensive health meditation Tapa Brata 1 was in Bali Usada Center in Baturiti. Since the first time I joined, I frequently promote Bali Usada to my friends. One of my friend had an autoimmune disorder and finally joined the Tapa Brata 1, as long as with my company. So this second time was accompanying my friend.
On this second Tapa Brata, I hear all the exact same story and teaching from pak Merta Ada as the first time of Tapa Brata. But I notice that I am not bored hearing the teachings. Even though all the stories are the same, as well as the teachings, how to be aware of our breath etc. The materials become a sort of reminder. And I absorb more of the stories on wisdom told by pak Merta.
There are times when things appear just when I needed them. For example, when I am in pain, oh I remember, that yes it is Anicca. I was well yesterday. Now I am in bad pain. Sometimes until I get so weak and shivering. Anicca, all are changing. There is nothing that is permanent. Then I concentrate on my womb. But without the target of being healed. So that there are no thoughts of rejection and wanting to throw away my sickness. I well remember pak Merta always said to embrace as though of cradling a baby. If the baby is fussy, we are not to cradle with a strong grip. So in this meditation practices, I never have a target. I just do the practices so that my heart will always be soft.
Even though sometimes my sickness is so unbearable until I shed tears, but it is not a cry of suffering. It is so painful and made me weak. I always remain calm, not get angry, and not complaining. I am aware that I am sick. I am also aware that doing this health meditation made me more calm & balanced. So eventually I decided to join the Tapa Brata each year, for detoxification. The body needs to be detoxed with fasting or certain diet. If we want to reduce our weight or when blood sugar level is high or due to certain sickness, we avoid certain intake. We detox our body.
On the fourth Tapa Brata, I am aware that there are mental changes. I remember last May that I was so worried, easily get agitated and fear. When somebody gets a Covid infection, especially when a friend died, it made me so worried. And when hearing my child coughing just once at the next room, I immediately panic. I cannot sleep the whole night when they are coughing. So I was very agitated in the early months of March - April. Fortunately, by doing work from home, there are exercises via Zoom and Mixlr. Pak Merta frequently invites to do meditation together.
By doing meditation, hear teachings from pak Merta, I feel more calm. Sometimes I am out of practice so that I do not have good awareness of my own body. But I always feel from my chest to my whole house and say "May All be Happy". I acknowledge my family & friends one by one and sends loving kindness. I said it with deep awareness and gentleness. And this made me more calm, gentle, peaceful.
Now I do not easily get panic as was last March-April. Even in any kind of news. I am more calm, having more knowledge that all are Anicca, all are impermanent. Thank you pak Merta, ibu Maria, and all of Bali Usada's assistants that are always accompanying us in meditation. And all of Bali Usada's Meditation Friends, may all be happy. Thank you.
Sehingga saya sekarang sudah tidak sepanik bulan Maret dan April yang lalu. Walaupun ada berita apa pun. Saya lebih tenang, lebih bisa tahu bahwa semua ini Anicca, segala sesuatu berubah. Terima kasih untuk Pak Merta, Ibu Maria dan semua asisten Bali Usada yang selalu menemani kita untuk bermeditasi. Dan semoga teman-teman semua, Sahabat Meditasi Bali Usada, semua hidup berbahagia. Terima kasih.
Agnes - meditation friend from Live Online Usada 1 Health Meditation class.
