Fortunately, my grandfather and grandmother love me dearly. They understand how lonely it is to grow up without parents.
There was a lack of communication between my parents and I as I grew into an adult who ran a handicraft business. It was even more so when my father passed away. I did not feel sad at the death of a family member. I had no interest in my mother and her new family either. I felt empty.
My business keeps growing. I become successful in my import and export business and achieve financial success. I still had no feelings for my mother. She often borrowed my car. I did not have the urge to ask what she needed the car for, not even in the slightest.
I had no interest in driving my mother to where she wanted to go. Instead, I asked my driver or my half-siblings to chauffeur her around.
I had always felt empty all my life. Worldly possessions do not make me happy. In my fifties, I decided to live a spiritual life and get closer to God. I still felt empty inside nonetheless. keputusan untuk lebih mendekatkan diri kepada Tuhan. Tapi hatiku tetap merasa kosong.
I found the information about Bali Usada’s health meditation retreat in a newspaper by coincidence. I gathered more information about it and registered for the retreat.
The meditation retreat is seven days and six nights. It is held at several different locations. I signed up for the retreat in Baturiti, Tabanan, Bali. The retreat made me realize that the cause of my inner emptiness is of my own making. My arrogance, ego, and vengeance pile up in my heart for years. Failure to handle negative emotions well, in turn, causes health problems.
I realized that I do not need to go far to get treatment. I just need to come home to myself. I begin to practice meditation regularly and mindfully. Meditation helps me gain greater insight into an issue in my life. Prolonged anger is the root cause of my unhappiness. It is the reason why I was not happy despite the fact that I am blessed to have a loving wife, wonderful children, and with good fortune.
I feel the need to start anew and repair my relationship with my mother. No matter what happens, she is still my mother. This realization heals me. Now I feel more at ease with myself. I begin to see that life is beautiful. I will love my mother and care for her with compassion.
