Terakhir tahun 2018, itu saya bisa dirawat di rumah sakit hingga 3x. Jadi yang terparah terakhir saya muntah-muntah dari subuh beberapa jam tidak berhenti. Akhirnya saya ke rumah sakit dan dirawat lagi.

During the year 2018, I was hospitalized for 3 times. The last one was the most severe, as I continuously vomited from early morning for a few hours. My blood vessels shrank due to dehydration. Every time I had a blood test, I was needled for 5 times. Each needle in my arm made my blood vessel ruptured. I always cried. Eventually, the doctor did the blood test on my leg because that is the part that my blood vessels can still be detected. And I cried again.

At that time, I felt that being healthy is awfully expensive. I then decided to have a healthy lifestyle. I keep a healthy diet. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. Consuming vegetarian food. I don’t eat meat. Get good sleep. But it does not give many results. The gerd became more severe.

It turns out that this pain not only came from meal consumption but also from the mind. I developed severe stress, stress that came from work. Up to a point where the stress made me having anxiety, such as panic. I experienced panic for things that has not happened. I am anxious of my business, of my family, and many things came into my thoughts. I don’t dare to go out of my home. I kept myself in the house for 2 weeks, not having the courage to activate the cellular phone. Complete shutdown. I even thought of leaping from my apartment’s balcony. This suicidal thought was experienced up to 3 times.

I went to the doctor, was said the stress-hormone and stomach-hormone is the same. So, I must avoid stress from my mind. In short, my wife introduced me to Yin Yoga and do the practice. From yoga, I learned meditation. Thanks to yoga and meditation, the stress gradually decreases.

Now, during the Tapa Brata meditation retreat, on the 4th day I experienced a heavy pain in stomach and felt like vomiting. I went out of the meditation room and think on Anicca, Anicca, Anicca (impermanence). The pain gradually subsides and eventually gone. It was then that memories arises on why I have this stomach ache, sinuses, memories from my childhood.

The bottom line is that I am happy. I love and can learn many things about the power of now, and that is important. This I will bring back to my life in Jakarta. Hopefully, I can continue pursuing meditation more enthusiasm.