Frankly, I don't like to join my sister's group. To me, they are weird people. How come people can be so peaceful? Is this all made up? So, I always labelled them a weird group. I went to Bhutan for 2 weeks with them, and I stuck there with them.

Previously, Michelle, went to Bali Usada Health Meditation at Forest Island. I remember her saying to me, “Sis you have to go. I will pay for you." I hung up the phone. I have no interest in meditation practice at all. After coming home from Bhutan, somehow, I asked my sister about the meditation, is it really good? Then she said ‘good!’, and asked me to give it a try. 

Actually, what attracted me to go was, I saw the change in my sister's character. We've lived together from a young age to now. I know her character well. We've been fighting for the rest of our lives. So, about 3-4 years after we went to Bhutan, I saw my sister change, that made me curious and interested to join Bali Usada Health Meditation. This is a person who has lived with me for decades and every day fighting with me, suddenly changed. I was curious, and decided to join Forest Island at that time.

When I was at Forest Island, I remember on the second day, I wanted to run away. I feel so bored. I really hate my sister. I was angry with her in my head, and felt cheated. She said it was good but why is it like this? I've walked all the way to the front gate, I don't care anymore, I’m going even though my cell phone is kept by the instructor. I was planning to escape by taxi to my brother's hotel, but I forgot the name of the hotel. Then I thought, what if I get lost? In the end, I gave up my intention to run away, and stay even though I don't like it. While listening to Pak Merta's lecture, my body aches. I cannot concentrate on what Pak Merta says anymore. There are still many days to go. Anyway, I try to continue, to follow the meditation. I suddenly felt a sense of peace during the third, fourth days. I suddenly thought, I'm okay being alone. But at that point, I didn't really understand what had been explained, because I didn't really listen to the material from Pak Merta. I thought it was boring at the time.

When the intensive meditation practice of Tapa Brata was over, I went home as quickly as possible. When I got home, I saw my papa. My father was a very strict person. I remember, for some reason I had a very deep feeling of love. I remember when I walked into the house, he was the first person I hugged. In my life the first time I said to him, Daddy I love you. Wow, my dad was shocked. I don't care, I still hug him. I hug my mom too; Mom I love you…

I don't know what happened to me. What I understand is that Bali Usada meditation is only for health. My body is not sick, I’m healthy. After intensive meditation, I did not practice regularly. I moved to Singapore about 4 years ago. Together with my sister Michelle, we moved to Singapore. So, I just realized, it turns out that my body is not sick, but my soul is. I didn't realize I was depressed. Then I told my sister, I wanted to go to Bali again to join Tapa Brata again. I've never felt that in my life. Like an answered prayer, it turns out that during this pandemic Bali Usada held Tapa Brata Live Online on the Zoom application. I immediately registered with Ms. Dewi. I asked my son not to disturb me. As the intensive meditation is done at home, I feel better, my body is not sore, there is air conditioning, and I am not afraid of animals. This is the first time I have listened to Pak Merta's lecture from beginning to end. Only then I understand what good thoughts are, bad thoughts, what Anicca is. So, I feel online Tapa Brata is very useful. I have a family, there are things to do that cannot be left behind. But because we have mental illness, body pain, we can't wait. This makes it easier for us to access the knowledge in Tapa Brata. Thank you. May all beings be happy.

Christina – Meditation Companion from Tapa Brata 1 Intensive Meditation Class Live Online